"You and I have a rendezvous with destiny. We will preserve for our children this, the last best hope of man on earth, or we will sentence them to take the first step into a thousand years of darkness. If we fail, at least let our children and our children's children say of us we justified our brief moment here. We did all that could be done."
Ronald Reagan

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Uber Dave and His Brilliant Satire Volume Volume II (21-40)

The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong, is that when a thing that cannotpossibly go wrong goes wrong, it usually turns out to be impossible to get at or repair.
Douglas Adams

Liberalism 101 Lesson 21:
Thou shalt not believe in any other God except the Great God, thy government.
Liberalism 101 Lesson 22:
As a practicing Liberal / Progressive / Socialist it is imperative that you avoid the temptation to think. At all costs, you must not take into consideration facts, science, economic history, political history or simple math because these areas of information and thought will only lead you astray.
Liberalism 101 Lesson 23:
The military is where many conservatives enlist, go through boot camp and learn leadership, responsibility and how to deal with the harsh realities of life.

College is boot camp for liberals where liberal professors teach them how to avoid leadership, responsibility and how to blame with the harsh realities of life on conservatives.
Liberalism 101 Lesson 24:
Fetus is a medical term used to describe a lifeless unviable tissue mass from conception to the point of birth when discussing the sacrosanct and inviolate right of women to privacy and to choose.

Endangered species is a term used to describe bait fish, bugs, and rodents that have a clear right to life.
Liberalism 101 Lesson 25:
True patriotism includes thrashing the military because, as we well know, the US military projects America’s evil intent (See Lesson 10).
Liberalism 101 Lesson 26:
When all else fails, blame Bush.
Liberalism 101 Lesson 27:
It is incumbent that all liberals speak and act as if they are foreign policy experts who have America’s best interests at heart.

If a conservative points out that current events or historical facts make a mockery of the previous statement it is to be ignored or defined as “hate speech”.
Liberalism 101 Lesson 28:
Liberal organizations are all charged with advancing our progressive agenda but the masses are notorious for failing to understand - that we labor only for their own good.

Therefore we must wrap the names of these organizations in sheep’s clothing with things like the American flag (a representation of the evil, hatred, and racism of America which we will use to our advantage until such time we can dispense with it). We will use names like “People for the American Way” and “American Civil Liberties Union”, issue vague and flowery literature and keep peasantry lulled into complacency so as to diminish opposition.
Liberalism 101 Lesson 29:
Even while advocating and implementing Marxist/Leninist policy we must deny we are doing so. Deception is key to implementation since the little people are incapable of grasping what is in their best interests. (See lesson #17)
Liberalism 101 Lesson 30:
To establish control over the peasant class - liberals must ensure that they are the ones to define what will be controlled.

To allow toothless rubes to make their own decisions as to what they can eat, drink, buy, smoke, drive or whatever is dangerous and MUST be stopped at all costs. (See lesson 19)
Liberalism 101 Lesson 31:
Detroit is the Petri dish of liberal economics.

We are not ever to acknowledge the third world disaster area it has become, unless it is to blame evil corporations and conservatives. (See lesson 26)
Liberalism 101 Lesson 32:
Liberals are committed to creating as many voters as possible in order to maintain power.

In that endeavor we use many different means such as registering the dead on voter rolls. To that end we must ensure that our open borders policy is kept safe from racist xenophobic conservatives so that as many undocumented voters are allowed in as possible.

If conservatives point out the carnage caused by necessary policy remember to counter with the fact that they are racist and xenophobic. (See lessons 19 and 29)
Liberalism 101 Lesson 33:
Hypocrisy is a special word that defines the moral inconsistencies that liberals see in others.

Since there are no moral inconsistencies in liberal thought or applied philosophy, this word has no application in the description of liberals.
Liberalism 101 Lesson 34:
Liberals must bring all commerce in America to a screeching halt to achieve their Marxist/Progressive goals and purposefully limiting America’s energy supply is a means to that end:

'We have to figure out how to boost the price of gasoline to the levels in Europe'
Obama administration Energy Sec Steven Chu
Liberalism 101 Lesson 35:
Dissent is the exclusive domain of Liberal/Marxist/Progressives when opposing conservatives. It is to be glorified and canonized as our specific right in order to vilify our opposition.

Dissent of liberal dogma is, however, never, ever, under any circumstances whatsoever to be tolerated. (See lesson 20)
Liberalism 101 Lesson 36:
The US military is the home of undereducated peasant masses who are duped by conservatives into enlisting so that they can be sent off to illegal wars to maim, kill and rape innocent civilians.

That is unless they’re sent to war by an anti-war liberal president in which case they are being employed in a crusade for liberty and freedom that eclipses World War Two.
Liberalism 101 Lesson 37:
The Scientific method as practiced by scientists:

* Ask a Question
* Do Background Research
* Construct a Hypothesis
* Test Your Hypothesis by Doing an Experiment
* Analyze Your Data and Draw a Conclusion
* Communicate Your Results

The Scientific Method as practiced by Liberals:

* Identify a Problem for which You have a Collectivist Solution
* Find Celebrities to champion it
* Blame the Problem on your Opponents
* Test Your Hypothesis by the Extent to which it Demonstrates your Compassion and
* Raise Taxes to Fund Your Solution
* Wear the Right Colored Ribbon

Liberalism 101 Lesson 38:
It would be a crass injustice to make note that all liberals are reading comprehension challenged.
Liberalism 101 Lesson 39:
As liberals we must not allow the masses to be armed even though they claim it as a constitutional right.

The masses claim that if their guns are taken away from them then only criminals will have them. Little do they know that our aim is to have only one entity possessing fire arms, the state, and since it is the liberals destiny to control the state and thus the masses, this is a good thing.
Liberalism 101 Lesson 40:
It is from liberals only that the rights of the masses emanate. The silly notion that all rights are “endowed by the creator” is as passé as any notion that has sprung from a group of dead white slave owners. It is liberals who are possessed with the education and intelligence to not only confer rights but to identify what rights there may be, such as the right to an education, a home or healthcare. (See lesson 21)

Uber Dave

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