Uber Dave and His Brilliant Satire Volume IV (62-82)

"What to do if you find yourself stuck with no hope of rescue: Consider yourself lucky that life has been good to you so far. Alternatively, if life hasn't been good to you so far, which given your present circumstances seems more likely, consider yourself lucky that it won't be troubling you much longer." Douglas Adams

Liberalism 101 Lesson 62 - Liberal Lexicon:

Transparent: “Clear as mud”

Liberalism 101 Lesson 63 - Liberal Lexicon:

Drain the swamp:
“What? And have us guardians of all things environmental be accused of destroying a ‘wetland’?”

Liberalism 101 Lesson 64 - Liberal Lexicon:

Most ethical congress ever:
“Say, would you be interested in some beach front property in Arizona for a great price?”

Liberalism 101 Lesson 65:

Unions are the shining crown of liberal pet organizations because of their reflexive support for Liberal/Marxist/Progressive policy.

Although this relationship may seem incestuous it must be maintained for the purpose of keeping the economy sound since money flows from unions to liberal politicians and vice versa employing many in our state and federal governments in the quest to further Liberal/Marxist/Progressive goals.

If anyone dares to oppose these efforts fine upstanding union employees will ensure that not one scorched stone of their lovely homes will remain standing.

Liberalism 101 Lesson 66 - Liberal Lexicon:

Investment:
“The confiscation of monies from the unwilling in order to fund what they neither want nor believe in.”

Liberalism 101 Lesson 67 - Liberal Lexicon:

Reactionary:
“A word borrowed from our founding fathers (Marx, Lenin, Stalin, Engels et al) and used as a cudgel to bash yokels whenever they recoil in horror from the necessary policy meant to bring about “fundamental change”.

Liberalism 101 Lesson 68 - Liberal Lexicon:

Rights:
Anything that requires liberals to put forth an effort or capital to acquire that can more easily be confiscated by government force.

Liberalism 101 Lesson 69:

Liberal/Marxist/Progressive policy wanes from time to time because of unwarranted obstructionism by mind numbed, toothless rubes who lack the intelligence to realize what’s in their best interest.

And to counter this liberals have created the “protest”.

This is where we hire union thugs and useful idiots to throw a tantrum so insane that it frightens the peasant class into submission.

We prefer to work under cover of darkness but we do what we must to ensure the Liberal/Marxist/Progressive utopian future. (See lessons 65 and 43)

Liberalism 101 Lesson 70:

When referencing sources be sure to use only the most credible and unimpeachable of sources.

This would include Ivy League University web sites, Wikipedia and anything affiliated with the Huffington Post.

Liberalism 101 Lesson 71:

Education is very important for all Amerikan citizens, although also important is what precisely that education consists of which is why liberals have co-opted every facet of education from daycare to college graduation with Liberal/Marxist/Progressive policy as science, history, and every other conceivable subject.

Turning Amerika’s children into legions of useful idiots will help pave the way for the inevitable Liberal/Marxist/Progressive utopia.

Liberalism 101 Lesson 72:

As already noted in the liberal lessons, deception is instrumental in achieving Liberal/Marxist/Progressive goals (this is something that our knuckle dragging Neanderthal opponents refer to as “lying”, a term we are only allowed to use in reference to when they expose the truth about our intentions, see also “hate”) but a part of that deception is compromising with our opponents as a means to an end.

It is essential though to never actually act on any compromise since uneducated rubes have very short memories.

When from time to time they catch on, we must simply accuse them of “hating” and press on.

Liberalism 101 Lesson 73 - Liberal Lexicon:

Bipartisan support:
A term for describing when the peasant rubes cave in to our Liberal/Marxist/Progressive policy.

Liberalism 101 Lesson 74:

Liberal/Marxist/Progressive’s must help support and defend our progressive income tax code at all costs and deny or ignore the fact that lower taxes bring in more revenue.

For liberals, taxes serve the purpose of punishment of “achievement” and are not for the collection of revenue. It is far more important to make ever more people dependent on government than it is to fund government. Punishing those who unfairly excel above others cannot but leave them no alternative but to turn, as is only just, to government to make ends meet but prevents others from opting to do the same for fear that liberals, as is only fair, will simply confiscate their ill-gotten gains as well.

Liberalism 101 Lesson 75:

Liberal/Marxist/Progressive’s must demand apologies whenever a conservatives actions become near to being as bereft of civility as our own. We, however are never to apologize because being a Liberal/Marxist/Progressive means never having to say you are sorry.

Liberalism 101 Lesson 76:

“Cause and effect” is a mythical notion that can never be applied to Liberal/Marxist/Progressive policy and idea based solutions gained through decades of academic thought and theory.

If at first Liberal/Marxist/Progressive policy and idea based solutions appear not to work, it must be because either more thought and taxpayer funds must be given to the subject or the right people have yet to apply them.

Liberalism 101 Lesson 77:

Liberal/Marxist/Progressives believe whole-heartedly in the free expression of ideas.

Unless they are expressed by anyone with an opposing viewpoint, then they must be silenced.

Our standard label for any and all opposing viewpoints is, of course, “hate speech”.

Liberalism 101 Lesson 78:

Liberal/Marxist/Progressives adamantly insist that the global warming consensus is all the proof needed to push the hayseed rubes into the kind of vehicles they know deep down that they must be driving.

But since the kind of vehicles that liberals drive (electric and/or hybrids) are reserved exclusively for Liberal/Marxist/Progressives to ride in as they thumb their noses (and righteously so) at the hoy palloi, the vehicles that the peasant rubes will finally wind up with will be powered by the peasant rubes themselves (i.e. walking, bicycles, rickshaws and so forth).

Liberalism 101 Lesson 79:

Unemployment must be ignored by liberals as a general rule except to blame industrialists/capitalists as the root cause of it.

It is of great help to the liberal’s Marxist/Utopian goals to create as much unemployment as possible without creating a backlash against us. With the peasant rubes in a mild uproar about their plight liberals can obfuscate and demonize our opponents and graft ever more of the masses to the saving grace of an exponentially expanding government dole. Ignorant hayseed bumpkin’s will be shown the light and view liberals as their benefactors and come to see industrialist employers as the greedy exploiters that they are.

Liberal/Marxist/Progressives call this a win-win scenario.

Liberalism 101 Lesson 80:

As noted in lesson 32, liberals are committed to creating as many voters as possible in order to maintain power.

It is for that reason that we must oppose voter I.D. laws to the point of absurdity.

These unconstitutional laws must not only be characterized as racist and xenophobic but necrophobic as well.

Liberalism 101 Lesson 81:

Our sense of entitlement as Liberal/Marxist/Progressives is vast, insatiable and expansive.

Not only are we entitled to a portion of everyone’s income, we are also entitled to things that can only be acquired through taking an even greater portion of peoples income.

Perish the thought that we should ever have to put forth an effort to do so without government intervening on our behalf, after all, isn’t our government here to help US?

Of course, if there is not enough income producer’s to go around, just borrow it from their great, great grandchildren since they must have a share in the sacrifice too.

Liberalism 101 Lesson 82:

Hate is a very useful descriptive word in the vocabulary of Liberal/Marxist/Progressives and covers a multitude of sins committed by knuckle dragging hayseed/yokel conservative obstructionists.

Absolutely any opposition of opinion and action by the hillbilly class must be construed as hate because only the hateful could stand in opposition to a brighter utopian future.

Uber Dave

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