Uber Dave and His Brilliant Satire Volume V (83-103)

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Liberalism 101 Lesson 83:

Multiple layers of government regulations are the mainstay Liberal/Marxist/Progressives bureaucratic control over the mythical private market. Conservative obstructionist rubes regularly assign blame to the helpful and necessary government intervention we create to level the playing field but that is because they have neither the Ivy League education and intelligence or theoretic experience to realize that government is here to help us.

If for any reason government regulation may seem to fail or be the cause economic distress that is because, in a similar sense to spending, more regulation and the helpful bureaucrats who enforce them need to be added.

Liberalism 101 Lesson 84:

When class is in session, we may, from time to time, refer to ourselves variously as “Liberal/Progressive/Socialist” or “Liberal/Marxist/Progressives” as needed for instructional purposes.

But we must admonish students to refrain from referring to themselves or others in leftist circles as such. We’ve all heard the old cliché “honesty is the best policy”…

…Except for liberals, not so much.

Liberalism 101 Lesson 85:

Liberals incessantly vilify the “rich” as greedy people who have taken money from the poor (which in truth belongs to the people) in order to hoard it all for themselves, never thinking of the greater good. And so the State must relieve them of all of that cash and “spread the wealth around.”

Therefore we must hold 3,500 dollar per plate dinners in order to perpetuate power so that we can achieve our aim of a true socialist utopia though our Marxist/Leninist policy.

If this appears hypocritical, refer to lesson 33.

Liberalism 101 Lesson 86:

Liberal/Marxist/Progressives must never accept responsibility for whatever harm Marxist/Leninist policy might cause.

Instead we must always blame any and everything on the hayseed bumpkins who resist our efforts to fundamentally change Amerika into the socialist paradise it was always meant to be.

Liberalism 101 Lesson 87:

Liberal/Progressive’s have always insisted that there be a government provided safety net among the many, many things that government should provide.

After several generations, the unfortunates whom Liberals are trying to help in times of dire need may seem to be encamped on that safety net with comfy government provided cushions and fluffy pillows. If the Redneck/Hick/Bumpkin class takes note of that, they could cause problems by pointing it out to the general proletariat who are charged with funding the programs that Liberal/Progressive’s deem necessary. This might cause an angry backlash.

Whenever this happens, Standard Operating Procedure is to simply call them “mean spirited” and distract the hoi polloi by accusing the obstructionists of wanting to take seniors Social Security and Medicare away.

Liberalism 101 Lesson 88:

As lesson 45 makes abundantly clear, the lie is the Liberal/Progressive/Socialists friend. This allows Liberal/Progressive/Socialists to pad their resumes to enhance their ability to both gain political office and maintain them once they are entrenched.

One important way to do this is to exaggerate any military experience even though Liberal/Progressive/Socialists are discouraged from entering into such service because America’s military is a force for projecting evil, for some unknown reason, the hayseed, hick peasants value it in a politicians resume so we feel free to call ourselves a “combat veteran” even though we might have only manned a desk at some outpost in Peoria.

In that vein it also helps to claim minority status no matter if we are blue eyed blond haired and lily white.

Remember that the word any in “by any means necessary” is specific.

Liberalism 101 Lesson 89:

Rich people are intrinsically evil; all of their filthy money is made off of the backs of the “poor”.

Even though many Liberal/Progressive/Socialists have millions or even billions they never qualify as “evil rich” since much of that money is spent to ensure that the truly evil rich are relieved of as much of their wealth as possible so as to equalize income. (See lesson’s 33 and 57)

It is the sacred task of Liberal/Progressive/Socialists to share the wealth of the evil rich but that of our own is reserved to bring about the happy day for all when the Marxist Utopia brings the proletariat peasant rubes into line.

Liberalism 101 Lesson 90:

No matter how hideous a Liberal/Progressive/Socialist may seem to the knuckle dragging, hayseed Neanderthals. He or she must be constantly described by us and our main stream media komrads as the reincarnation of Washington, Jefferson, Lincoln or the like.

The peasant rubes have short memories and are easily confused.

Liberalism 101 Lesson 91:

As lesson 26 states:

When all else fails, blame Bush.

Or Cheney, if Haliburton is mentioned.

Evoking the infamous “you’re a Nazi” card works well in the same vein when attacking knuckle dragging, hayseed peasant obstructionists.

Liberalism 101 Lesson 92 - Liberal Lexicon:

Attack:
Any time the truth is spoken about Liberal/Progressive/Socialists

Liberalism 101 Lesson 93:

When Liberal/Progressive/Socialists lose elections our marching orders are to attack on three fronts.

First is to lament the loss of our constitutional freedom to expanding government control over the proletariat due to knuckle dragging rustic yokel obstructionists and simultaneously deny anything is out of kilter while at the same time trumpet the fact that Liberal/Progressive/Socialist ideals will prevail in spite a tiny bump in the road.

Liberal/Progressive/Socialists must maintain the pressure on bigoted bourgeois simpletons and keep the faith of our fellow traveler’s as we march in lockstep to a new era of Socialist Statism.

Liberalism 101 Lesson 94:

As lesson 28 states, the American flag is a representation of the evil, hatred, and racism of America which we will use to our advantage until such time we can dispense with it.

So too are other forms of “patriotism” such as our hideous national anthem and support for “our (undereducated peasant) troops”. Liberal/Progressive/Socialists hatred of these types of things is exposed from time to time because keeping heartfelt emotions in check is a difficult task but we must cultivate the façade in order to keep the redneck, hillbilly obstructionists at bay.

Fortunately, as also stated in previous lessons, the peasant rubes have short memories and are easily confused.

Liberalism 101 Lesson 95:

Liberal/Progressive/Socialists prime objective for more than 100 years has been to demonize profit and a key way we have done this is to make workers jealous of anyone who makes a dime more than they do.

As a way to implement this we helped to institute a “progressive” (naturally) income tax which punishes those who would dare to work harder than others since that is unfair to the slovenly.

This in turn will help to create a worker’s paradise where all income can be controlled by Liberal/Progressive/Socialist leaders who (of course) will make much more than anyone because we are the hyper educated gurus who will decide what the simple minded masses will be allowed to have.

Liberalism 101 Lesson 96:

As liberalism 101 lesson 17 states in part: “…By any means necessary means by ANY means.”

This phrase “by any means necessary” is designed to give cover to Liberal/Progressive/Socialists in reaching their intended goals, not only can it be deployed to provide ambiguity to the inherent dishonesty required to bluff our way past the under educated peasant rube obstructionists but (of course) any other means which may come to mind as well, the key word being “any”.

This leaves opened a door in which we as Liberal/Progressive/Socialists can justify whatever our fertile imaginations can conjure. Murder, theft, larceny, fraud, even muffling free speech “rights”, whatever, it’s all good when you are endeavoring to create a joyous Marxist worker’s paradise.

Liberalism 101 Lesson 97:

Collecting revenue is an important component of Liberal/Marxist/Progressive philosophy where punishing those who have become winners of life’s lottery and are in the possession of an unfair excess is paramount.

There is literally nothing we will not consider when striving to relieve the peasant masses of their overabundance, by demonizing CO2; we have even found a way to tax the very air that they breathe.

Be aware that the taxation of something has absolutely nothing to do with the funding of any government services or preferred Liberal/Marxist/Progressive investment initiatives but is, instead, purely for the purpose of the over-riding and fundamental aim of “fairness”. (See Lesson 47)

Liberalism 101 Lesson 98:

The law is an ephemeral thing for liberals. Settled law such as the sacrosanct and inviolate right of women to privacy and to choose is to be adhered to strictly and without fail, others, not so much.

Liberal/Progressive/Socialists will issue diktats on which law we are to obey even as we send our minions out to rabble rouse and break laws. While this may seem contradictory, it is indeed not since Liberal/Marxist/Progressives are above such minute things as the law.

Liberalism 101 Lesson 99:

Americans have nothing to fear from Liberal/Progressive/Socialists since we not only want what is best for all Americans but know what is best for them as well.

Specifically, that is an omniscient, beneficent and infallible government that will meet their every need and desire with layer upon layer of expanding bureaucracies and phalanx’ of amicable bureaucrats working to provide for them as well as a myriad of government regulations designed to keep them safe from harm.

Who could be afraid of that?

Liberalism 101 Lesson 100:

The zeal effort and energy with which the Liberal/Marxist/Progressives are to defend the hideously indefensible must be boundless.

We are on a mission to transform the abnormal into the normal so as to create a wreckage of society so that we can rebuild it into the society our founders (Marx, Lenin, Stalin, Mao, Che, etc.) envisioned

Liberalism 101 Lesson 101 (The Irony):

Following the Liberal/Marxist/Progressive goal of “fairness” our hearts bleed for the simpleton peasant class and one of our main concerns is “income inequality”.

Since no one should have more than anyone else it goes without saying that no one should make more than anyone else, so Liberal/Marxist/Progressives have determined that lowering everyone’s income to whatever stipend we believe they can get by with is both compassionate and fair.

The more of the peasant class that we can have receiving that stipend from government at the expense of the toothless, rustic, hillbilly obstructionist rabble who dare to greedily take more than others the better.

Liberalism 101 Lesson 102:

It is a vulgar inequity to accuse Liberal/Progressive/Socialists of imbibing in various chemical substances just because we advocate their legalization.

It is not so much that our apparently insane policy ideas germinate in the fertile ground of a drug soaked mind (which indeed they do) but that they are indispensable for keeping the peasant class lulled into complacency.

Plus, when consumed by the already feeble minded, illicit drugs help to create even more useful idiots whom we can recruit to help implement our goals. (See lesson 43)

Liberalism 101 Lesson 103:

Demonstrating that a Liberal/Progressive/Socialist is wrong is one of the most insufferable acts the peasant hoi polloi can do.

But our inherent dishonesty allows us to ignore them with impunity. A condescending and arrogant reply to the rustic rabble will subdue and confound them as we continue with our drive towards a shining and glorious Marxist /Utopian future

Uber Dave

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